Say I Love You

Hold on tight to those you love. You never know when you might not be able to again.

When I was little I thought I was the most unlucky girl in the world. My dad died when I was 6. At 33, my mom lost the love of her life. I would never have a dad to walk me down the aisle. No father daughter dances in my future. My kids wouldn't know their grandpa. I was full of sadness and hopeless. As I got older, I resigned to the idea that at least my brother could walk me down the aisle and my kids will have the most amazing grandma and Mema ever.

When I was 10, My mama met the second love of her life. A couple years later, they were married and I was a preteen and bless his heart I was not having it. I know I wasted many years being stubborn but through that all I knew he loved me. I was his daughter. That was his truth. I would forever be his daughter. And when I had to say goodbye to my most perfect Mema and lost her battle with cancer, my mama lost her mama and he was the best rock she could've ever leaned on. I was so grateful she had a second chance at love.

He walked me down the aisle. We had our father daughter dance. We made memories as a family and we had the best of times. No matter what he was there. Whether it was to help fix my car, or take out money from his retirement for em to go to school, or buying me a graduation tattoo. He wen't to my both my high school and college graduations. There was no doubt in my mind that he was proud of me and that is one of the greatest feelings.

At 27, my second dad lost his battle with ILD. I had looked up the prognosis of interstitial lung disease the summer he got diagnosed. I knew 2 years was probably all we had. I spent more time because I knew I was running out. I had gotten the chance to tell my Mema goodbye and I loved her and I knew how valuable those moments were. I told my stepdad I loved him only twice but I meant it from the depths of my soul. He was the best dad he didn't have to be and I was so lucky. I still cry and I still get mad that he isn't here. Now my kids have neither grandpa or an amazing Mema. I have pictures and stories but it's not the same.

Yesterday, my best friend of 10 years lost her other half. Half a lifetime to find each other and it's whisked away in no time at all. I always feared losing my significant other early like my mom lost my dad. But I have the biggest of hope monsters and the optimism that, that can't just happen. I know it does but denial is a real thing. And then it happens to your best friend, your tattoo twin and you can't do anything to alleviate their pain. It's not fair.

That hour glass is fading so fast. Don't get so caught up in the things that don't actually matter. Remember to talk to your grandparents and tell them you love them. Call your mama, she really wants to talk to you. Don't underestimate the quality time that is beer and a game of pool with your dad. Your brother doesn't live so far away that you can't send a text message. Aunts, uncles and cousins don't just exist on Thanksgiving and Christmas. And if you find true love, make sure they know how much you love doing life with them. Don't spend all your time arguing. You miss out on the beauties of life.

Never give up on finding happiness and remember to take the ones you love on the journey with you!