Carry On

On this lovely Halloween day, I've started to look forward to the season of Thanksgiving that is on it's way. I've taken a step back to reflect. I've come to the realization that no matter what, life will always be unpredictable. There is legitimately no way to avoid a roller coaster style drop or twist or turn. Sometimes you really do just have to roll with the punches and ride out the waves.

I have noticed that mindfully staying positive can save you in so many ways. It also promotes a sense of positivity in the world around you. Encouraging others will serve you and them in ways you never imagined possible. There is never a time to neglect yourself. There is never a time to sweep your needs under the proverbial rug. There is always a time to help other.

I've put a lot of thought into perspective and questioning whether my “wisdom” really considers others perspectives and why they see things the way they do. I try to consciously look from the point-of-view of those around me. It isn't easy but it I feel like it makes me feel more empathetic, understanding, and even giving me more confidence in my beliefs.

This all sounds good and well, right, but I'm not perfect. I'm merely human and will never claim the ideal of perfection. My goal is to stay focused and mindful. I work hard and help others and try to remind myself not to stress of that which I can't control. Hopefully, my ripples have a positive effect on the world around me but if not at least I can say I tried. Good intentions and all that.

I fell behind on my grateful days commitment. I didn't grow less grateful but life happened. I continued to workout and have probably surpassed my 50 workout goal it's just not documented the way I planned. I promise to do better next time. I have tried to stay on track with taking time for me and taking care of me. And I will continue on that path even if I trip sometimes.

Now, for you, I challenge you. Don't worry it's easy and it's all for you. You don't have to do a kind act, even though that's totally an option. You don't have to post for the worlds approval. Just you. Write down one positive statement about yourself. In the am, before bed, at lunch, whenever. Just come up with one thing. You may not notice it at first but your entire outlook will start to change.

You are a beautiful human, carry on.  

"Taby, You Know You're Fat, Right?"

Truth moment. In the summer of 2015 someone told me I was fat. To my face. And it hurt.

Since the 6th grade, I've always been the bigger girl. I had permanent RBF but I felt generally invisible. I had a small circle that over time got smaller. By their choices or mine. But eventually I found my tribe. The people who reminded me I was Beautiful. Period.

It was great. However, that didn't stop depression, anxiety, or self destruction. Tragedy in 2012 was the catalyst to my dark days and another tragedy in 2015 was my anticatalyst.

So here I am working my way through the fallout and someone tells me I'm fat. After everything I've been thru. And it stings. It stays with me in a way it shouldn't. I was mad at me and at them. As it turns out, that was rather important to my story.

I may have accepted me but I really was unhealthy and I had done a number on my body trying to escape reality. So in August of 2015, I made a change. A small change. I committed to 24 days. I charged it to a credit card (my massive credit card debt) and said if it didn't work, oh well.

I'd tried things before that didn't work. What's one more chance. I'm good at that, chances. But then, I lost 10 lbs and 15 inches in a little over 3 weeks. It sounded crazy, but I could see it so obviously it happened. I realized though that I felt better inside and out.

Focusing on my health helped me more than just physically. Mentally and emotionally I was being healed. I had hurt myself for so long and my being appreciated that I was being kind to it. It was a nice change.

So I stuck with it. Yeah, I don't always stay focused. I still fight with my anxiety and my depression. But I'm not falling down that spiral staircase like I did for 3 years. I've made positive changes. I eat better, usually. I workout for my strength and my sanity. I make time for me emotionally and spiritually.

I realize that I did myself dirty for so long and I deserve better. I deserve the love and happiness I put into the world... Even if I have to make it myself sometimes. That one I'm still struggling with, but admitting it's out there makes the idea of being happy a plausible reality. And that adds fuel to my fire of hope.

Have a blessed day, beautiful human!