IT'S OKAY TO LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

So last night, I was scrolling through my newsfeed, cause well isn’t that what everyone does before falling asleep, right? A fellow Champion Maker posted about not accepting that she was obese because she loved her body but she knew logically that her weight wasn’t healthy. She was just posting for support/encouragement. Her post hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like, “Hey, that was me!” I have heard a lot of reasons why people decided to try AdvoCare to change their lifestyle. Most are crying about not being able to fit clothes or disgusted when they walk past a mirror. That wasn’t me. In fact, that word disgusting was so off putting to me. I had never thought of myself in that way. I love myself and I had an amazing and encouraging support system. I grew up learning to make deliciously full fat southern meals and encouraged to eat all you want as long as you’re not wasteful, my naps were encouraged as self care because I worked hard and I deserved to sleep before I got up and cooked dinner and I knew that I was loved and desired and I was reminded how beautiful I was daily. That sounds pretty great right?! It was. But it wasn’t healthy. I was working my way upto 260 lbs and not breathing at night when I slept, and having to sleep for an hour after work everyday before I cooked dinner was making my days pass even faster. I know all of that wasn’t based solely on one thing or another. I had suffered with depression, I worked at a job I cried going to everyday, I was infertile and I was struggling but knowing that so much was accepted and encouraged made it easier to not do anything to change it. Don’t get me wrong, I love naps. Savasana often turns into a power nap because I zone all the way out. But that’s when it’s self care, not when you need to nap because you don’t have the energy to cook dinner for your family. I’m happy to say now I get up for work, I’m gone for 10 hours, I go to workout, cook dinner, shower, and spend some quality time reading... or watching Parks & Rec… and yet not a single nap. I have energy, because I fuel my body to work the way it’s supposed to. I don’t wake up choking in the middle of the night. I control my cholesterol that is high thanks to PCOS. I learned that I could love me and not feel like I was betraying the body that I loved just because I wanted to be healthier. I wanted to live a long, life and have babies and those little things I was doing to make it through the day weren’t really necessary and I was losing time in life. I’m glad my story isn’t like everyone else's. I’m glad I’m fighting for so much more. If this sounds like you, if you know you wanna be healthy but don’t wanna betray your body believe me your body doesn’t care. It’ll be happy to have some good O2 flowing at night and a lower risk of heart disease and energy to do all the things you dream of doing. You’re worth living a long life. Remember it's okay to love you as you are, and it's okay to take the journey to be stronger and healthier at the exact same time.

I hope this made sense and I hope it helps. Helping others win is my goal in life. If you need someone to talk to or have questions shoot me a message. You’re amazing. I love you, you beautiful humans!

Dig Deeper

Sometimes the well isn't empty, maybe you just need to dig deeper. I had avowed myself to write weekly. I attempted to make that a "Thursdays are for blogging" deal but if you're like me sometimes the words flow too early and sometimes to late. Other times you need to say the things right then cause folks need to hear them or maybe waiting would make them irrelevant and something else has already happened. I mean, our perspectives are ever evolving. Life changes daily. Our dreams grow, our goals get met. Sometimes we have to destroy the vision board and start over. My point is, tis nearly end of day Sunday and for the week I said no words.

I still don't really have any words. I'm kinda feeling the life pause for a moment. It's just what I needed for a bit. I had a ridiculous rush of anxiety in the last 2 weeks and the world literally did not move, Okay, maybe it was figuratively but it just stopped. It wasn't good or bad but all these little fissures happened and I just new the volcano was gonna erupt. I saw the hair on my arms raise and the animals scurry, but alas. I'm still hear. The rumbles faded. So I decided to take that signal from the Universe and breathe for a moment. To just be still. To just be.

It was all pretty amazing timing in my personal opinion. I accepted somethings about myself, didn't really come to terms of happiness with them but accepted that they were things and I was gonna have to deal with them. My life pause included a little less movement, (not total I still managed some minimal strength training + this wonderful pushup challenge -__-, I kid. It's great) a few more carbs, and a little more quiet time. School is over for the semester. I did pretty well. But tomorrow starts anew. It's a culmination of a couple things but positive things.

For one, it's pay week which always relieves a little tension because as the majority of the population I live paycheck to a few days before paycheck. And tomorrow I start my second cleanse of the year and I can't wait to cleanse the body and refuel with the best nutrition I can. But my favorite thing about tomorrow is I get my yoga back. Yoga with Adriene is great at home, however, being in that chapel as majestic as it is with like minded lovers of the yoga to cleanse my soul with some breaths and good movement is what I've been longing for 6 months.

That one day a week where I get some good yoga in a blissful place. It's been a long time coming but I am thankful.I wish there were more helpful, affordable options in my town for this purpose but there aren't so this is my saving grace and I'm so thankful to have found it 2 short years ago. I hope to one day be able to grant that peace and wellness on my own after more dedicated practice so that others can feel those weights release and their soul filled up. Until then I shall take my moment as learning and chances to just be and fly with them.

May your Monday bring you happiness and a week filled with blessings. Namaste, beautiful human!