"Taby, You Know You're Fat, Right?"

Truth moment. In the summer of 2015 someone told me I was fat. To my face. And it hurt.

Since the 6th grade, I've always been the bigger girl. I had permanent RBF but I felt generally invisible. I had a small circle that over time got smaller. By their choices or mine. But eventually I found my tribe. The people who reminded me I was Beautiful. Period.

It was great. However, that didn't stop depression, anxiety, or self destruction. Tragedy in 2012 was the catalyst to my dark days and another tragedy in 2015 was my anticatalyst.

So here I am working my way through the fallout and someone tells me I'm fat. After everything I've been thru. And it stings. It stays with me in a way it shouldn't. I was mad at me and at them. As it turns out, that was rather important to my story.

I may have accepted me but I really was unhealthy and I had done a number on my body trying to escape reality. So in August of 2015, I made a change. A small change. I committed to 24 days. I charged it to a credit card (my massive credit card debt) and said if it didn't work, oh well.

I'd tried things before that didn't work. What's one more chance. I'm good at that, chances. But then, I lost 10 lbs and 15 inches in a little over 3 weeks. It sounded crazy, but I could see it so obviously it happened. I realized though that I felt better inside and out.

Focusing on my health helped me more than just physically. Mentally and emotionally I was being healed. I had hurt myself for so long and my being appreciated that I was being kind to it. It was a nice change.

So I stuck with it. Yeah, I don't always stay focused. I still fight with my anxiety and my depression. But I'm not falling down that spiral staircase like I did for 3 years. I've made positive changes. I eat better, usually. I workout for my strength and my sanity. I make time for me emotionally and spiritually.

I realize that I did myself dirty for so long and I deserve better. I deserve the love and happiness I put into the world... Even if I have to make it myself sometimes. That one I'm still struggling with, but admitting it's out there makes the idea of being happy a plausible reality. And that adds fuel to my fire of hope.

Have a blessed day, beautiful human!