Last Saturday, I woke up super pumped to do all the things. Okay, not all of them. I just wanted to go workout. It was itching at my skin. I was a druggie who needed a fix. Of Endorphins. You know because Endorphins make you happy... I made an excuse. A plausible excuse but it's because I wanted to put someone else's feelings in front of my own need to take care of me. That's not a reason to do my body bad. Moral of the story: I didn't workout. My actual weekend included a 48 hour cycle of ugly crying and sleeping. It wasn't pleasant and I was so mad at myself for pissing away an entire weekend of my life. This last week at work (y'all I legit typed hell, my subconscious is angry) was utter and complete chaos. Yay birthday week, eh? Straight up skeleton crew and each day it only got worse. Shout out to our Marketer for lunch on Friday, it made for a perfect dinner. i'm going in late on Monday and the struggle is real. Much like the reason I'm going in late.
Five years ago, I had a root canal and they gave me a temporary filling. They were jerks and I never went back for my crown. Two months ago, that filling finally came out and I had to get it fixed. Maybe I've been brainwashed but I was determined to stay local and find a dentist and I did. I paid out of pocket to the the filling redone and I got a temporary crown. a month and a half later whilst eating my chicken philly (with horrible service) no more crown. I had an appointment for that Monday so I figured I'd just take care of it there. I did, a few more bucks and new provisional crown. Well, now I'm gun shy and barely eating for 3 days. I finally give in to a damn Reese's miniature and bam! no more crown. Straight bullish. So I have arranged to go back to the dentist early on Monday and lose hours at work. I'm not a fan. However, I leave for Texas on Wednesday so if it's gonna get done, it needs to happen now.
I'm hella nervous about Texas. Mostly because I have no money and I froze my credit cards a couple months ago and I refuse to unfreeze them. Emergencies be damned. I struggled to buy my ticket, and my plane ticket, and my lodging and a rental car and those last 2 things I'm sharing with 6 other people. I have made lots of sacrifices to get into this room but you know I have a lot of eggs riding in this basket. Eggs of fire, passion, inspiration, and motivation and I refuse to short myself on that. I don't do nearly enough to take care of myself and I sacrificed a whole lot of self love to make this happen. Here's to Texas!! I am a little bummed that I'm gonna be an hour and a half from Colleen Hoover and I won't get to meet her. She seems like the most down-to-Earth person, she's hilarious and an amazing author. Slammed & Point of Retreat & It Ends With Us are my absolute favorites! Go check them out. Plus going to the Bookworm Box would make up for the fact that I can't afford the monthly Bookworm Box. I've decided next year I will be better at this. I will take a vacation. A real one and I will make sure this trip has enough room for Colleen.
I try not to make commitments I can't keep but I made a commitment to myself last year to make it to this convention and well dammit, here I am packing for Success School, metaphorically, obviously I'm typing right now. I need to go to the Walmart and get some essentials and I really will start packing tonight. I also have homework due and a final due sometime in the next 2 weeks. Busy, busy times ahead. I'm hoping with the calming of the anxiety and trying to put some focus back on my health I will have some more positive things to share. Y'all have no idea how much help writing this blog has been for me. It gives me a voice when I feel like I can't speak up. It tells me somewhere out there someone cares enough to read even if I feel alone. And even if those someones are the ones who tell me that they love me everyday. Something about your anonymity gives me a little boost. So thank you for all you do, big and small. You're amazing.
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