Some days are bad. Some are good. Most are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. Today was the latter. But it's okay. It's going to be okay. That future I'm fighting for will be mine and I can't let this set back set me back. Today I found out I have no financial aid and that includes for this past summer semester I struggled through. So I dropped the classes I was scheduled for and now I owe back the money for the previous semester. I have no idea where I'm going to get this money. Like at all but I can't let it get to me.
I had a legit freak out this morning. We're not calling it anxiety. We're not owning that. But my blood pressure, y'all, went through the roof. I was simultaneously flushed in the face and pale as a ghost. It was a bad few hours. It drained me physically and I had to actually take a nap at lunch because I just couldn't keep functioning at that level. When I got home I felt a little better and then the dam broke and I had a little pity party and cried it out. It was cathartic and it let me release that tension and let it roll down my cheeks.
No, I'm not just better but I know I'll deal with all that needs to be dealt with in the time it takes to do it. I have to keep fighting for what I want even if the path isn't leading where I thought it should be. I have to do the hard things even when I don't want to. Make the sacrifices when I'd rather wallow in the sadness of the things that get in my way.
it. So it is what it is. I have to let it go and pull myself up from the ick of the day. Focus on what I can control.
I have to be the light in the day because my woes aren't as bad as some others and even if they are, life is about what you put into it. Not just what you get from it. In the words of Maya Angelou, "Try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud." I let my bad day affect how I reacted in a situation and it really bothered me. So much so that I had to apologize for being insensitive. I didn't think before I released my negativity into the world and possibly added negativity to some one's day.
Here's to a brighter day tomorrow. Finding the peace in the day and some positive light in my life. It's not worth wasting the time on things that do no good. It's not worth carrying those bad vibes around with me. "New year, new me" is quite cliché but tomorrow really is a new day and a new chance at being my best me. Let's do this!
Goodnight you beautiful human ❤
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