I struggled today. My lack of sleep affecting my entire day. It's old news that I don't sleep but I was dragging by today. I had 3 sparks before 4 pm. It was a long day. Not necessarily a hard one I was just functioning below capacity all day. I could still use a nap but I know that one can't honestly "catch up" on sleep. It's impossible, but it's a nice thought we tell ourselves sometimes. In any case, I was the little engine that could. I thought I could, I thought I could and alas I made it to quittin' time but my mind is always at work even if not working at work. That's what those things do. I found myself flustered today at more than one point and apparently it was visible, or I look like hell after no sleep, because people kept asking me if I was okay. Apparently, I wasn't.
You ever notice how once you show people what you can do they take advantage of that. I used to find pride in the fact that people put my talents to use. Sometimes I still do. But there are other days when I realize I'm doing all the things for all the people and no one notices that I'm being drained. They continue to ask and expect more and more. There are days at work when I have downtime. Not because I'm not doing my job but because I work smart, not hard.
See, tasks at my jobs are divided evenly among the CSR's. That means no one person has more than the next right? But when I complete my given tasks in a shorter period of time I'm expected to pick up the slack. I understand that everyone should work together. And I have no issue getting up and helping my fellow coworkers. I do it often every single day by choice. I don't agree that I should be condemned because I had a few seconds to breathe.
I'm not worried about doing more work than the next person. I am worried about being taken advantage of. I am worried about being undervalued for the extra that is often asked. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about how I'm valued. But I'm human and I'm also one of those Americans drowning in debt. So sue me for trying to do better for myself. I will not stop helping others. I won't. It's who I am. It's what I do. Sometimes, though, the struggle to do great and wonderful things is hard. Sometimes it's hard to give others all of you. I won't apologize for self-preservation. I'm not about that life.
It's not just work though. It happens in your personal life too. People have crises. You're the go-to person for the crises. I get it. Everyone needs a person. But there are times when I have to say, "Ok, I get it you are having an issue and I love you and I support you and I want to help you but right now I'm at work and I have to work at work. This has to wait." I refuse to feel bad about that. Again, I am drowning in debt. My job puts food on my table. There has to be an understanding of priorities. Even still, I end up fixing the things but boundaries are important. Knowing that others respect and value my time is important.
I will never regret helping someone. I will be disappointed that I was taken advantage of. But I know that I did what I could for who I could. I only ask that people have some decency. Show a little appreciation. We humans like that. Personally, I'm a fan of that hand-written card... just don't hug me. I'm not a hugger. Don't worry we'll make it through this crisis too. Sometimes you just get tired of being tired and you have to let off some steam. Good news though, we made it through hump day. Two more business days to go. Good job, you beautiful human!
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